What part of you is leading right now?

And how aligned is that part with how you want to show up as a leader?

Markets are evolving. Complexity is the norm. And for senior leaders, the pressure to perform, make sound decisions, and develop high-performing teams is intensifying.

Amid that pressure, there’s an internal dialogue many leaders experience but rarely name. It’s the silent tension between the part of you that shows up with strength and clarity, and the part that hesitates, questions, or reacts from fear.

In a recent conversation on the Dr. Ginny Show podcast, I had the pleasure to interview Dana Bernstein, conflict resolution coach, leadership trainer, and author of It’s the Thought That Counts: Mastering the YOU vs you. She’s spent nearly 30 years helping leaders reconnect with themselves and lead from a place of clarity and grounded values.

What emerged from our discussion was both profound and incredibly practical. Engaging in this conversation will give you tangible tools to lead with more clarity and alignment, especially in high-pressure environments. 

Listening to the full episode will help you and your leadership team uncover how to respond to internal challenges with greater intentionality and presence, skills essential for navigating today’s complex leadership demands.

Understanding the YOU vs “you”

Dana framed the internal leadership tension as a dynamic between the “big you” and the “little you.”

The “big you” is grounded, values-driven, clear, and purposeful.

The “little you” is reactive, driven by fear, stress, or self-doubt.

This internal dissonance is not a flaw. It’s an invitation to become more aware and intentional.

One Framework, Many Applications: For the Intentional Leader

Recognizing who’s leading in any given moment is the first step. Dana’s “Pause, Ponder, and Pivot” framework helps leaders make that distinction and translate it into action:

Pause: Take a breath. Create space. Step away for even five seconds to reset.

Ponder: Ask yourself, What was it about that moment or comment that activated something in me? This invites reflection without judgment.

Pivot: Choose your next move based on your values and the leader you want to be.

This same framework shows up in several practical strategies we discussed for regaining composure and emotional control in high-stakes situations:

• Take a physical break: Step away or change your environment briefly.
  
• Anchor to your senses: Feel your feet on the floor if you can, breathe deeply.
  
• Ground through movement: Clenching your fist or holding a pen can reestablish presence.
  

These are not separate tools. They are ways to apply the same core practice in real-world leadership scenarios. They help you regulate your nervous system in the moment and lead from alignment instead of autopilot.

Emotional Agility and the Power of Self-Knowledge

Throughout our conversation, Dana emphasized emotional agility: the capacity to work with discomfort rather than deny or suppress it. By becoming skillful at noticing your inner state, you develop the power to shift it, so you can lead with intention, not impulse.

She encouraged leaders to identify their emotional “pillars,” those qualities that surface when you’re grounded and at your best, like curiosity, compassion, or confidence. Naming these qualities helps you anchor to them when challenges hit. We walk you through my own example during the full podcast episode.

Values, Triggers, and Self-Mastery 

During our discussion, Dana shared a powerful insight: 

“It’s never the external that’s the issue. It’s always you.” 

That’s not blame, it’s ownership. It’s the opportunity to lead from the inside out. 

When leaders understand their values and emotional triggers, they can navigate stress and conflict without being hijacked by it. Dana’s “WHO assessment” invites leaders to explore what they stand for, what irritates them, and how those clues point to what they care about most.

Real-Life Impact: From Theory to Practice

These tools aren’t theoretical. They show up in the real moments that define your leadership:

• When you’re about to deliver a presentation to the Board
  
• When you need to navigate a performance conversation with grace
  
• When competing priorities stretch your focus and energy
  

We also explored how having an internal compass rooted in clarity and valuesn helps you show up more consistently and effectively.

And here’s what that can look like:

• Before the meeting, pre-think: What do I do if?…and prepare by practicing ways to regulate before you’re in the actual situation. 
• You walk into a challenging meeting with a centered mindset, not a defensive stance
• You make decisions from a place of clarity, not fear
  

These small shifts are cumulative. Over time, they shape your executive presence and influence in powerful ways.

Don’t miss the full episode of the Dr. Ginny Show podcast: Discovering how to bring out the best YOU vs you with Dana Bernstein, a conversation shocked-full of insights you can apply right away.

The Cost of Inaction

Left unaddressed, inner misalignment shows up in damaging ways that also are cumulative over time, tarnishing our personal brand (what people say about us when we leave the room):

• Second-guessing yourself delays decisions, eroding momentum and clarity
  
• Micromanaging team members stifles innovation and autonomy
  
• Emotional fatigue drives burnout, reducing productivity and morale
  
• Breakdowns in communication weaken trust and collaboration
  

Over time, the cost isn’t only emotional. It’s cultural and financial. When these patterns take root, they shape your leadership culture and your organization’s ability to perform.

What We Can Co-Create

At ExecutiveBound, we partner with senior leaders to strengthen internal leadership capacity, so you and your teams can proactively develop the emotional intelligence and strategies lead with clarity, communicate with confidence, and influence with integrity.

We understand that sustainable leadership excellence is built on inner alignment. Organizations that engage with us have seen measurable improvements in trust, engagement, and strategic execution by strengthening emotionally intelligent leadership practices.

Our teams aren’t broken. We’re here to provide reinforcements, the tools and strategies to lead from alignment, not autopilot. When we become more self-aware leaders, our leadership becomes more than a role. It becomes a consistent expression of our highest impact.

If there’s something you’ve been wanting to shift for yourself or your leadership team,, let’s connect. I’d love to learn more about your situation and explore how we can support you.

Email us at info@executivebound.com or schedule a 15-minute Cyber Coffee for a quick introduction. 

Lead with purpose, live with joy!
Coach Ginny

About Dana Bernstein
Dana Bernstein is a conflict-resolution coach, speaker, and trainer with nearly 30 years of experience. She is the author of It’s the Thought That Counts: Mastering the YOU vs you and founder of Dare to Live Brave, LLC. Dana also leads the Leadership Coaching for Organizational Performance certificate program at Rutgers University. Connect with Dana at danabernsteinllc@gmail.com, visit danalynnbernstein.com, or follow her on LinkedIn.and courage. To connect with Dana, email her at danabernsteinllc@gmail.com, visit her website danalynnbernstein.com, and follow her on LinkedIn.