When Someone Starts to Pull Back

Think about someone on your team who used to be energetic and contribute ideas. They spoke up, offered a different perspective, volunteered for stretch assignments, or challenged the team to think differently. Over time, something changed. They began to hesitate before offering an idea or sit back and pause when they once would have jumped into the conversation.

It would be easy to interpret that change as disengagement or the “average settled-in effect.” Yet what if something happened along the way that signaled that they should hold back? What if, without intending to, they interpreted what someone they respected said that shifted what they believed was valued or acceptable?

Bridget Smith knows that experience. During more than 30 years in corporate America, including her current role as a regional sales manager for a biotech company, she has worked with leaders she describes as “really great” and others who “weren’t so good.” She also experienced being on the receiving end of communication that made her “sit back and pause” and left her feeling as though she wasn’t productive and wasn’t respected.

Those experiences eventually led Bridget to write the book Why Did You Say That? Five Things That Managers Say That Stifle Creativity. In the book, she identifies five phrases worth examining. These aren’t outrageous statements most of us would immediately recognize as inappropriate. They can easily find their way into everyday conversations, sometimes with no ill intent.

In our conversation on the Dr. Ginny Show podcast, How to Engage Your Team and Avoid Making Them Shrink, Bridget and I examine what can happen when our intention and the impact of our words are two different things. To benefit us as leaders, we explore how a leader’s everyday language can affect someone’s confidence and contribution, what we can say instead when we need to challenge or redirect someone, and what senior leaders can do to create an environment where people continue bringing their ideas, energy, and judgment to the work.

What Are We Communicating Without Realizing It?

What are the five phrases you may be using without realizing their unintended consequences? They will sound familiar because most of us have heard them, or even used them. I know I have at some point.

“Temper your passion.” When you’re driven by feeling passionate about your work, like Bridget, hearing those words can make you pull back from the very energy that fueled you. As I listened to her experience, the word that came to mind was that she was shrinking. We may sometimes need to help someone calibrate how they communicate without squashing what makes them enthusiastic in the first place.

“You are just…” Whether it is “just an account manager,” “just a teacher,” or “just a salesperson,” that one word can minimize someone. Nobody has “just” a title. Every person on our team has a role to play, and how we speak about that role can reinforce or diminish their significance.

Gallup 2026 reported that only 31% of U.S. employees were engaged at work in the first half of 2026, while 18% were actively disengaged. We cannot attribute disengagement to a particular phrase, yet the numbers reinforce why the everyday experiences affecting how people participate at work make a difference.

“You can’t.” For Bridget, those words can communicate, “You can’t elevate, you can’t innovate, and you can’t think outside the box.” Instead, we can suggest asking, “What else could we do around that?” We can challenge an idea without shutting down the thinking behind it.

“It is what it is.” This is one I’ve used for sure. Bridget believes there may be more if we are willing to delve into the situation. I see two sides to this phrase. Sometimes we need to accept reality and decide how to respond. However, it can also be a sign of a fixed mindset–things don’t change, people can’t change. The phrase can leave no room to explore what is possible t change.

“This is how we’ve always done it.” This isn’t uncommon when companies and teams are going through change. “How has that worked for you?” What worked before may still serve us, or it may be exactly what we need to reconsider.

These phrases become more significant as our organizations navigate AI, transformation, and constant disruption. We cannot ask people to adapt while communicating in ways that close down their ideas. Continuous Elevation™ requires us to keep examining what still serves us and what needs to evolve.

What Are People Learning From the Way We Lead?

The hard truth is that throughout a 30-year career, only a handful of leaders truly elevated Bridget’s career. She remembers them because they noticed her when she was quiet, gave her projects that stretched her, helped her feel included, and met her where she was while helping her get to the next level.

I can relate to Bridget’s experience. The leaders who had the greatest impact on my career were the ones who saw my potential and gave me opportunities to grow. They gave me stretch assignments, trusted me with greater responsibility, and in one case put me in charge of a group that did not even exist before. Those were tangible ways of communicating that they believed in me and wanted me to continue growing with the organization.

As senior leaders, we have to think beyond our direct reports. How the leaders on our teams are developing people, building belonging, recognizing talent, and creating opportunities for others is relevant. If a high performer who once contributed freely begins pulling back, we should understand what changed before that person becomes someone we are trying to retain on the way out the door.

Addressing leadership behaviors is at the core of ExecutiveBound. Throughout two decades in a corporate career, I saw strong individual contributors promoted into management without necessarily being given the skills to lead people. A promotion gives someone greater responsibility. It does not automatically teach them how to develop people, communicate effectively, build trust, or elevate a team. Bridget described the difference as moving beyond managing the daily tasks to “expand and grow and empower their teams.”

These five phrases we’ve explored are examples of how leadership shows up in everyday interactions. Over time, those interactions influence whether people continue bringing us their ideas, whether they feel their contribution matters, and whether they see room to grow with your organization.

When we reflect on the people who have worked for us over the years, how many would say that we were one of the leaders who helped elevate them?

What’s Next?

Bridget’s five phrases give us a practical place to start. Pay attention to what happens when someone brings you an idea, challenges an existing approach, or wants to take on more. Listen not only to what you say, but to what your response may communicate about that person’s value, ideas, and potential.

The same awareness applies to the leaders who report to us. We need to know how they are developing people and whether talented employees are given opportunities to contribute and grow. When someone who used to speak up begins pulling back, that change is worth understanding rather than assuming we know what it means.

This is part of Continuous Elevation™. As our responsibilities grow, we have to continue elevating how we lead ourselves, our teams, and our organizations. The behaviors that got us here may not be the ones that will help us lead through the next stage of change.

And we don’t have to figure it out alone. For almost a decade, we’ve devoted our work at ExecutiveBound® to helping senior leaders and executive teams elevate the leadership behaviors that improve communication, strengthen trust and alignment, develop people, and turn strategy into results.

If you are navigating transformation, AI disruption, a leadership transition, and notice engagement dwindling or signs that your leaders and teams are not operating at their full potential, let’s talk. A complimentary Strategy Conversation gives us an opportunity to explore what is happening, what may be getting in the way, and where focused leadership support could make a difference. Email us at info@executivebound.com or Schedule a Complimentary Strategy Conversation.

I also invite you to watch or listen to our full conversation, How to Engage Your Team and Avoid Making Them Shrink with Bridget Smith, on The Dr. Ginny Show. You can connect with Bridget and get her new book using the contact info below. 

About Our Distinguished Guest

Bridget Smith brings more than 30 years of corporate experience across healthcare, pharmaceuticals, and governance. She is a regional sales manager in biotech and the author of Why Did You Say That? Five Things That Managers Say That Stifle Creativity. Her work examines how everyday leadership language can affect the people we lead and how greater awareness can help leaders create environments where people feel seen, valued, heard, and able to contribute.

Connect with Bridget: bridgett1881@gmail.com | LinkedIn